why didn't you poke me back
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
