I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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