this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
