I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
