Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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