Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
