That's intense
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
