This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
farters have to be the big spoon...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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