i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
