I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My life is pants optional.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
