couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
