is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
