but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
