Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
