she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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