yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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