I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
