woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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