there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
