i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize