carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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