I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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