he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize