Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
