I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
