I heard we made out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
