My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
