Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
