You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this boner is exhausting
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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