This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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