dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
