she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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