My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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