its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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