Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
