i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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