I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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