cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
