Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
