Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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