I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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