He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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