do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
