i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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