i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
