How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
