No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
