Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
