Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
