$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
