zippers are such a cool invention
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
