I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
