guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
