also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
