He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My vagina is officially offended.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
