Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
