Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
