Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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