Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
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She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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