guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
