how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
even my farts smell like vagina
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
