I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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