I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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