she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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