Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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