He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
